picking up & putting down

how many times

am i going to pick up and put down

feelings for you

how many times

will i write

the perfect ending

in my best handwriting 

on stationary i have agonized over

how many times

will i come to the place

where i see all of it too clearly

hate myself, you, everyone i know

and almost every choice i've made

gotta get a new hobby

in care homes, 

old women

quietly lose their minds and memories, 

folding washcloths.

picking them up

and putting them down-

the repetition 

the familiarity

its own bliss