patterns and patterns again
She used to threaten to leave us I remember panic making my mouth sour legs and arms heavy as if I'd been swimming all day Quiet. As the storm of Her raged, I shrank Drawing in to the safest place I could find quiet. Still. Later, with my hand on the doorknob and a baby on my hip He would threaten to kill himself if I left and I would taste panic again. i would force myself quiet and still sinking into the core of myself turbulence lulling me to sleep chaos settling again into my bones the familiarity of home.